Is the only real sex “conscious sex” or “Twin Flame sex”? NO!
Have you ever come across these kinds of messages in the spiritual/conscious space?
“The only REAL sex is Twin Flame sex/Conscious sex/Spirituality awakened sex”?
Be it in memes, your favourite spiritual or tantra teacher, that influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers with epic branding. (Hey, I love epic branding, but remember that shit hot marketing doesn’t always mean what they’re doing is any good.)
So, where do I begin?
Take it from a sexologist, these messages are absolute bollocks and can really cause havoc in your sex and love life.
They are basically Purity Culture with new age packaging that are just as harmful, and if you got caught up in them, you probably had a lot of deconstructing to do, I’m sorry.
I’ve been there and done that, these kinds of beliefs completely screwed me over too.
HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF HOW THESE BELIEFS CAN SCREW UP YOUR SEX, LOVE, AND DATING LIFE:
- There being a big difference between what you actually want and like vs what you’re putting up with to make your lover happy. You end up pretending to go along with it.
- Feeling like a hypocrite because you’re not being, “spiritual” enough in your sex life, you have some fantasies that are definitely not, “high vibe”, and you still enjoy watching porn (which you watch in secret, and try to finish as quickly as possible).
- Feeling ashamed for all your past hookups and that you need to “cleanse” your vagina and energy field because you have, “soul ties” still there (OMG NO, please don’t).
- Chasing after unavailable partners and pushing away people who might be a good fit (helloooo spiritual fuckbois who love David Deida and string you along)
- Getting infatuated with the wrong people and getting stuck in really unhealthy dynamics (aka toxic relationships or abusive relationships. I have seen this happen too many times, sadly.)
- Feeling a boatload of guilt and shame every time you have sex with someone that you weren’t sure about but did anyway because you were confused about what you want in the first place.
- Bouncing around from relationship to hookups with tantric fuckbois looking for the elusive, “one”, and still feeling unsatisfied.
- Looking at your current partner and only feeling dissatisfied because it’s not “spiritual” enough.
- Constantly feeling, “blocked”, sexually and looking to the next spiritual high to clear it– like a yoni massage, a crystal wand, another tantra workshop WITHOUT understanding what’s going on underneath (All of the above can be AMAZING when you’ve done the groundwork and with skilled practitioners, but you need to do deeper work too.)
IS ANY OF IT TRUE, THOUGH?
Like with any kind of myths or misinformation, there is always an element of truth in them, which is why they seem to make sense and FEEL true.
For example:
You meet the man/woman/person of your dreams after a succession of failed relationships and absolute knobheads, the sex you have could be off the wall.
Where you feel a deep connection, have sizzling chemistry, and feel safe to express your needs, and it just *feels* so right?
This can be amazing! You realise how much more there is to sex and just how satisfying, fulfilling, and ecstatic it can be.
But you can also have this experience with a casual lover too, where there is mutual respect, care, concern, and excellent communication.
Sizzling connection and sexual chemistry with someone is temporary, and it’s not enough to build a lasting relationship with satisfying sex.
What you’re running off is more a cocktail of endorphins, serotonin, and oxytocin that will wear off after a year or so and suddenly you’re in a rut because you’re stuck in a routine.
Or it will wear off when your tantric fuckboi starts to pull away or give you the runaround, as they always do, and you’re back in the push-pull dynamic of chasing after unattaimable people.
What about learning tantric eye gazing, intentional touch, running sexual energy through your centres, ecstatic breathwork, and energy orgasms?
Absolutely AMAZING! Yum yum, yes please!
These exercises can be the things that help you have the exquisite sexual bliss you’ve only ever read about in books and thought was a myth.
I highly recommend learning them, I teach them in workshops, group programs, and with 1:1 clients too.
BUT it is not any more legit or “real” than a hard and fast shag that leaves you breathless, quickies, kink and BDSM, casual sex, or hookips.
Because what if you find all of the tantric breathwork or slowness just not your cup of tea?
It’s ALL real sex, as long as there is consent.
Even sex that feels like “maintenance sex”, sex that is boring, or sex to try and fill an emotional hole counts too.
There is sex that feels more fulfulling and satisfying to you, and conditions you need in place for that to happen. There will be people or a person, and style of relationship that works best for you. There will be times you have sex for reasons that may not be very supportive for you and you need to make some big decisions.
None of this makes any of the sex you were having not valid, except if it was non-consensual, because non-consensual sex isn’t a thing, it’s called rape.
(Although I also acknowledge that there are many nuances to not fully consenting to sex and consent in general.)
This notion that you will only have “real” sex when you have a spiritual awakening or with somebody who is supposed to be your soulmate is another form of Purity Culture.
It is NO replacement for skill, deeply knowing yourself as a sexual being, and knowing exactly what you need to have satisfying sex.
These teachings not only misinformed but could be signs of a cult too, please use your discernment.
REAL sex is whatever you want it to be, in a way that feels GOOD to you.
You get to keep your spiritual practice AND enjoy shagging AND energy work AND whatever makes you feel yum.
This post was originally published on https://lucyrowett.com/is-the-only-real-sex-conscious-sex-or-twin-flame-sex-no/ on October 26, 2022
