For women and those born in female bodies, the default stress and trauma responses that we tend to go to are FREEZE and FAWN. I am not saying that men and those born in male bodies do not experience this, but for women, it’s ingrained into how we are socialized.

When I say trauma response, I’m not just talking about trauma with a capital, “T”, such as things you may consider traumas- assault, war, abuse, violence. …

So, where DO you look to get help with sex?

It’s gotten to that point in your relationship or marriage where you’ve realized that there is an elephant in the bedroom. You feel sad, frustrated, and at your wits’ end.

You’ve tried the usual stuff. Maybe you bought some lingerie, tiptoed around a sex shop, Googled, “How to spice it up”, or tried to talk to a friend.

Or maybe you haven’t tried anything because it feels too difficult and scary? It’s just much easier to curl up in bed and pretend nothing is wrong because going there feels too much to handle right now


  1. Put up with it, cross…

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I didn’t use to be this sex-positive, pleasure positive, and juicy.

Growing up in the church and also as a regular millennial who had the same access to good sex education as most people, I pretty clueless.

Sex was something very naughty that only bad people did, porn was evil, don’t get pregnant or an STI, use a condom if you must, and masturbation was definitely dirty (and highly addictive, I was told by my pastor).

Sure, I had raging hormones and got very turned on by love scenes on TV and in movies, but that was probably because I was a secret pervert so I had to squash that down.

This is for you if you resonate with Good Girl Syndrome.

When I was at high school, a few friends nicknamed me Hermione Granger.

Honestly, it’s true!

I was the Grade-A student, high achiever, ambitious, clever-clogs.

I was the know-it-all, swot, teacher’s pet, hand always the first in the air during class, and never, ever got in trouble.

If you could have awarded a medal for Good Girl, I would have absolutely gone for it.

I would flinch when teachers shouted and keep my mouth firmly shut.

I was the one you could rely on to be sensible. You never…

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TW: Contains plot spoilers and mention of sexual assault.

If you are feeling particularly vulnerable around this topic, best not to read this, or skip to the end.

Have you been watching Bridgerton? Like many people, I binge watched Bridgerton in a few days, and certainly got all hot and bothered at all the sex scenes. It was delightful titillation with more of a female focus, which depicted masturbation and cunnilingus along with good old PIV sex, along a rather questionable form of birth control.

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While Bridgerton is being…

I talked about why your relationship or marriage is struggling in the pandemic in this post here.

So, what can you do about it? Are you doomed to spend your relationship or marriage unhappy? Are you destined for breakup or divorce?

Not necessarily, here’s what you can do that you may not have thought of yet.


In the previous post, I told you that at the moment you are probably very under-resourced as you cannot access many of your usual coping strategies or ways to be fulfilled.

This is very real, but it also doesn’t mean you are helpless and…

Is your partner driving you absolutely batshit right now? Read this.

A reminder to anybody experiencing relationship/marriage difficulties at the moment: You are not alone and you’re not broken.

In this post, I’m going to share two surprising reasons why you are struggling in your relationship or marriage that may not be what you think.

You can read Part 2 on what you can do about them in this post here.


It is not realistic or healthy to have ONE partner meet every single relational, social, emotional, physical, intellectual, or even sexual or sensual need.

Read that again.

Therapist and…

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Sex has always been a polarizing topic, and sex censorship is nothing new. We use the internet and social media to connect with others and create community, and to educate our audiences.

Internet marketing and social media are essential parts of your business tools as a sex coach, which is why censorship of sexual content can be so damaging for us.

This post was originally written for our community regarding the changes to the Instagram community guidelines coming on December 20, 2020, but the advice here is applicable to any future changes that social media and tech companies may-and inevitably…

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Dr. Patti Britton speaks often on the topic of sexual shame which affects all genders-men, women, trans, and nonbinary folk. She calls it, “Toxic Sexual Shame,” due to the devastation it can cause somebody’s mind, body, spirit, and psyche. While sexual shame can affect anyone to some degree and many themes are universal, some manifestations of shame are specific to each gender as a result of conditioning, socialization, culture, and gender roles. This article will explore working with sexual shame in cisgender women and nonbinary vulva owners.

Exploring sexual shame in women is a broad topic because of course women…

Photo by Rahul Shah from Pexels

Many people want to know the difference between sex coaching and sex therapy, and many sex coaches are mistakenly called sex therapists, so let’s explore what sex therapy is. You can learn more about the difference between sex coaching and sex therapy here.

What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy and is only practiced by licensed mental health professionals, medical professionals, or social workers. It is similar to sex coaching in that it is a specific modality for discussing and working with sexual concerns (which are called “sexual dysfunctions” in sex therapy). …

Lucy Rowett

Sex Coach, Educator and Writer. I write about sex, spirit and pleasure.

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